It's days like these I really wish someone could just walk right into my head and remove the thoughts it contains.
I've had the flu for about a week now. An eternity in my mind. An eternity of thoughts.
I feel so stuck. And lonely, nonetheless. I wish I had someone that would come to me, listen to every thought I had and actually understand them without feeling offended, sad or scared. That's usually the problem when I try to talk to someone. And that makes me feel so trapped. I don't want them to worry, but it's so tireing to keep it all in.
I haven't been to my shrink for a while now. And she wants to sign me out, she thinks I don't need it anymore. I think she's wrong. I'm not saying I'm not better than I was. I'm not saying I don't have many happy and good days free of worry, sadness and an overload of negative thoughts. But they're still there. And when they come, I feel like a zombie. I don't laugh and I don't smile. I don't want to do anything. It's like nothing is worth anything.
And I feel small. I feel like I can't handle anything in life, like I haven't grown enough to take part in what I should take part in. It's like I'm empty, at the same time as I'm filled with all these thoughts I can't control..
And when days like this come, I have no idea how to get out of them...
"There is a big, bright world out there for me to explore, but the darkness and shadows of the past doesn't allow me to see it."