Life is all serious business and no play

No, not really... :) 

I've been spending this week trying to think about nothing! Tried to keep my head off all the seriousness and stress.
I read some of the comments to the article revolving my mom and me on Nettavisen.no. It shocked me so much I just couldn't read any more! So I've been off any internet sites where I know I've been able to read the negative feedback. It saddens me to see so many people judge based on the little they saw of my life on TV. It's crazy to see how much they know and how much they're able to tell me about me and my family's life together since I was a baby! It's weird that they think they do, because honestly, you haven't been there every day and walked by my side since I was 2 years old. You don't know what choices have been taken, what we've tried, how it has been to handle everything. I didn't go on TV to find someone to blame, someone to point and yell at, but to help the people who need it by putting a light to this case.
And I really hope the focus will change so that we can do something positive with this.
... Enough negaitivity!

I got a card from a completely unkown person yesterday, saying she saw me on TV and there were so much positivity and loveliness in the letter that it lifted the rest of that entire day!
My shrink says I'm really good at finding all the negative things and just keeping them in my head, instead of looking at all the things that are positive! So I just want to give a MASSIVE thanks to ALL the supportive people and lovely, warm messages I've been getting! I really do appreciate it, and I think you're all a part of letting me grow a bit more and open myself more to the world! And I can't say thank you enough!
If there's anything I know helps people in need, it's positivity, warmness and love.
You are great!

And so is this :

 Cereal with strawberries and blueberries! Yum yum.

 

And Biffen, my brother's dog! Such a cutie :)

Have a great Saturday, I'm off to more positivity! (At least I'm trying!)

Camilla

Photo.

I love this weirdo.

Last night's look and events, and a little update of today aswell..

As some of you might know, I was part of a debate about the problem with overweight children and obesity in general for a while. First of all, this is what I wore : 

I got my Hooded Bodysuit and my Sheer Spartans Leggings from Black Milk on Thursday! Yaay!
I decided to wear my Bodysuit to the debate, along with Burned Velvet Leggings from Black Milk.
Shirt is from Chicwish, jacket from b-young, jewelry from Nasty Gal and shoes from Jeffrey Campbell!

Yet again I'm sorry the show is in Norwegian, but it can be seen here : 

http://www.nrk.no/nett-tv/klipp/829251/

I must say, before and at the start of the debate, I was quite nervous. I had been thinking a lot about the blogpost of Kari Jaquesson before we went on air, and we went on and I had to tell everyone I felt my mom got attacked. My mom who has been my supporter and endless well of love my entire life, whom I love very much. I do understand that maybe parents need to play a bigger role in helping and changing their life style for an overweight child or a child with growing weight, but blaming people for choices and stories made many years ago, won't do anyone any good. This debate was about finding POSITIVE ways of helping obese children and preventing more children of getting obese, so we won't have to go to the point where we need to put them on the operation table, and change their bodies, simply because there is no other way to save their life. I think it's horrible that someone HAS to take the blame, it's much better to find out what we CAN do to help our children. And yes, it is a sensitive subject, which is yet a bigger reason to actually handle the case with setting up goals and changing now and the future, rather than pointing fingers to find a sinner. 

I really hope something good comes out of this, it was a great debate to be part in, and I'm lucky to be a part of such an important case. 

After the debate, we got to sleep at Radisson Blu Plaza Hotel! It was a great place, with a bathtub and a huge bed. It was such a great, relaxing ending of a big night. And the sunshine we got in the morning was such a warm welcome to a new day!

This was our bathroom. (Towel warmers, yaaay!)

Such a cozy bed!

Taking a little nap before today's meeting with TOPP.

Good morning! :3

Today, I met up with TOPP - a teenage magazine in Norway. I just have to say that the journalist was great! She was very talkative and nice. She took us to the opera house to take photo's, and I had not been to the opera house yet, so it was great fun! On our way there, we talked about fashion and how much she travelled around to meet different people and celebrities as a part of her job. She was also so nice that she tipped me about a few stores and places I should go to for great clothing treasures (which I appreciated a lot, considering I'm a big Oslo-newb!). I bought a new dress and a pair of shoes : 

I catch myself looking for more colours now. Maybe it's because I'm longing for spring and summer! I bought this dress for Monki, it's a bit dark-toned green with white dots and cute strings on the chest!
The shoes are Oxford-styled (I'm sorry you can't see it that well) I've been wanting a pair for a long time, but I don't know just how much I'll use them, I feel so short in them, haha! So I bought the cheapest pair I could find.

We also ate at NamNam! I am a sucker for chinese and thai food. So I had a bowl of spicy noodle soup with beef! It was so yummy. And the portions there are huge as well, so you get a lot of food for the money!

Doesn't it look tasty? Namnam! I shared this with Wouter.


Now I'm finally back in the appartment, ready to take a weekend off!
Have a great weekend everybody.

I'll throw in a picture of my new Sheer Spartans Leggings as a finisher!

Camilla

What a week, and it's not even over

First of all, I would like to say congratulations to Wouter and myself! (haha, sounds so selfish)
We had our one-year anniversary yesterday :)

I'm finally able to sit down in the sofa and let the feelings calm. This week has been crazy! And it's not even over yet.

I wasn't expecting the case to get as big as it's becoming. For a girl being locked inside her room for a year, taking small steps to get used to the world and the people around her, the attention I'm getting, is massive! 

And it's not just good attention, either. I would though, like to say thanks to all the positive feedback I have been getting, from known and uknown! It's incredible to get this sort of support. And I feel honored to be a part of putting light on a cause that is important to Norway in many ways. I was prepared for critics too, I just wasn't aware that this would get so big! 

Yesterday, I experienced a very bad case of criticism. One of the leading work-out inspirations on TV, Kari Jaquesson, wrote a blog post about what has been shown on TV. She writes about how my mother has let me down in my childhood. It shocked me, and hurt me, to read all these accusations and negativity directed to my mom, when my mom has been there for me all these years. Trying to find out what to do, trying to go to the hospital for help, to the doctors, trying to help me, when she herself was ill. She did all she could. I read that letting your children be obese was child abuse! How can they think my mom WANTED me to be obese? She tried so hard. And it's easy, when you don't know what our story is, when you don't know our life line, to say that this is wrong and that is wrong, easy to find someone to blame. It's easy to be wise when it has already happened. But that doesn't mean you can change that it actually DID happen. I just think it's so wrong that a person of her status, should choose her words wiser. I'm sure everyone has their thoughts, good or bad, and I'm not saying everyone should make the choice I made, I'm just saying that for me it was the right choice. No matter what anyone says. I would have been dead, if it wasn't for this. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I HAVE a future. 

I'm going to rest my thoughts for a bit now, regain strength for tomorrow's debate show with a crossword-magazine and Costume. 

Oh, and I would like to end this post with a welcome to our newest family member, Biffen, who joined us today :)

Isn't he just adorable? He's my little brother's dog, they live at home with my mom, but I can still come and steal him for a little while now and then. :)


Good night! At least in a little while :)


Camilla

A day to remember

I am starting today's post with my outfit since I have no idea how to start it otherwise..

I got this dress in the mail today, it was a present from my boyfriend. I absolutely adore the mint green, and this dress makes me long for spring and summer like a crazy summer-addicted person... Or something.
I matched it with Beetlejuice leggings and a warm cardigan, since it's still too cold for comfort in Norway. I'm also wearing twisted striped socks! Trippy.

So today was an emotional and stressful day filled with experience. The show I was in played on NRK today, and appearantly a few other people heard about it.. So I got woken up by the local newspaper wanting to meet up and have an interview covering my story. I was a bit hesitant considering I had already put myself out on TV, but I decided to go through. The interview went very well and the journalist was polite and gentle. Then I dressed into my new, lovely dress and went off to work. Halfway during the kid's "lunch", I got a phone call from P4, a quite big radio channel in Norway. By then, my heart had started racing. I finished work, went home and the phone call came. Suddenly I was on the radio, too. It felt so weird. But also relieving.
The second it was done, I called my dad. I knew he usually goes home from work around that time, and that he listens to that radio channel. I don't really talk to him that much, but I just wanted to know if he listened to it.. So I called him, and he picked up. And he was crying. I heard it the second he opened his mouth, and my tears just bursted out. It was so emotional. We talked a bit, managed to dry up and then I expected my mom and grandma to come so we could all gather up and watch the show together.
And by the time it was on, we were all switching between crying and laughing. Crying because it's a hard story for us all. A story that hasn't just shaped me, but my mother and my grandma throughout many years. And laughing, simply because my mom's new hallway hasn't been painted and looks completely off, and because I looked hilarious jumping on and off that horse's back!

I'm sorry the episode is in norwegian, but you can see it here:
http://www.nrk.no/nett-tv/klipp/828283/

I don't know what else to write, it's been a tireing day, but I'm happy I've done what I've done.
I'm happy I took the choices I took. And I know that a lot of people think that what I've done, what I decided to with my body, might be wrong.. But to me, getting this operation was the saviour of my life. I had no life before I got this chance. I got my life back, an opportunity to build it back and to take the chances I never got to take. For me, this was the only decision. It was this or nothing.
Thank you....

And sorry about the messy post!
Camilla

Busy week.

So today I got to see an intro of the show I will be in tomorrow. I can't tell yet about how I feel about quite an amount of people seeing me on TV. It'd s quite an experience. A huge step in my life. A good step for me, and maybe a light in the darkness for others. You can see the intro >here<.

Here I am with the beautiful Tellus, which will also be present on the show tomorrow. He was just so incredibly nice and friendly. He was a bit stubborn, but that's probably because he felt that I was nervous!

Valentine's Day was this week. We celebrated it by going to the gym! I know, real romantic, right? But they finally started up a gym where I live, and even though my social phobia is giving me such a hard time with it, I enjoy working out, so I'm just telling my mind no. I've got to do this. So I did it, I finally started up after a long break! And it feels great.
We also celebrated by Wouter taking me out on a lovely dinner. He dressed up in a shirt and a tie, and me in a dress. We had 2 courses, wine and ourselves. It was so lovely.
He also gave me this wonderful ring from Nasty Gal, that I absolutely love! I tell the kids at school I can tell them their future. Of course they don't belive me. I also tell them that pink bears with green bow ties exist and go to picnics though, so I guess the question of trust there isn't that weird.

So I've been having a bit of trouble blogging and posting looks on Lookbook.nu, as there is a lot going on, both mentally and physacilly. I really want to get into a routine of going to the gym, and I can tell I'm quite out of shape, so I'm getting tired because of that. My mind also likes screwing around these days, I don't know if it's a lack of vitamins or just a minor setback. I've got a lot of worries and a lot of grudge about all the things I miss out on. And I feel guitly for not appreciating the things I am experiencing. Those days where I get burried under thoughts, I can't really focus about progress. My goal then is to stay more or less on the same line. And to keep my head up..

Im putting in a photo of my Purple Galaxies, since I wore them today! They're just so shiny...

These babies makes me feel happy. I just want to look at them forever.

Tomorrow I'm trying Yoga.Totally random fact to end this blogpost. Wish me luck!
xx
Camilla

Love

He is my light.

Isn't he doing the cutest pose? Haha.

xxx
Camilla

Fridaaaaay! I'm on a horse.

So I'm finally back home in my appartment after staying at my mom's house being ill for a week!

It's good to be back home, even though I miss my little kitty.

Isn't she cute? Haha. She always goes with me to the bathroom!

So today I rode a horse for the first time in my life. I mentioned before that I'm going to be in a show called Puls, and today they brought me horse riding! They said since I've never done it before, it's a great way for me to experience something new and for others to see how my life quality has improved. I really wish I had photos, but hopefully it'll be posted online aswell as shown on the TV, so I can link it here for others to laugh at my amazing horse riding skills! It was so cozy, I got the nicest horse. His name was Tellus. I got to massage and pat him and put on some of the equipment before I actually took him for a ride! I absolutely loved the experience, and I'll keep it with me for a life time.

Yesterday a really close friend of mine came by to eat some take-out chinese food!

(I'm going to throw in a photo to make you all jealous)

Mmm, nomnomnom! And yes, loooaads of food! Portions there are huge!
I've been spending a lot of time with my friend lately, we've known each other since we started school. It's nice, because she's been there most of my childhood and she sort of understands or can at least listen to what I say without it being awkward, because she knows I just need to get it out. I really appreciate it.
She's also a major wierdo that makes me laugh, and I love that :)

So I recieved this shirt-dress in the mail two days ago, and I absolutely love it. It has such a cool cut-out in the front, which makes it look a bit rough. It also has a cut-out in the back, but I had to wear a jacket over it, since the cold is horrible! 

The dress is from Gina Tricot. I love some of the recent stuff Gina Tricot has been having. They've had a few basic things with a little detail to make it perfect to match with everything without being too much. They've got some really cool jewelry, too! If only I was rich, eh.
Anyways, I paired it with a jacket I bought at b-young a while ago, and my Leg Bones Leggings from Black Milk. I didn't wear any extra jewelry, as I had to tuck myself in under layers of clothes to ride a horse and I didn't feel like getting stuck everywhere. I do have sparkly, black nail polish, though :)

I feel like this blog post was very organized... Or not. I'm deffinately for the weekend!
Have a great weekend, everybody!
xx

Camilla

Depression

It's days like these I really wish someone could just walk right into my head and remove the thoughts it contains.
I've had the flu for about a week now. An eternity in my mind. An eternity of thoughts.
I feel so stuck. And lonely, nonetheless. I wish I had someone that would come to me, listen to every thought I had and actually understand them without feeling offended, sad or scared. That's usually the problem when I try to talk to someone. And that makes me feel so trapped. I don't want them to worry, but it's so tireing to keep it all in.

I haven't been to my shrink for a while now. And she wants to sign me out, she thinks I don't need it anymore. I think she's wrong. I'm not saying I'm not better than I was. I'm not saying I don't  have many happy and good days free of worry, sadness and an overload of negative thoughts. But they're still there. And when they come, I feel like a zombie. I don't laugh and I don't smile. I don't want to do anything. It's like nothing is worth anything.
And I feel small. I feel like I can't handle anything in life, like I haven't grown enough to take part in what I should take part in. It's like I'm empty, at the same time as I'm filled with all these thoughts I can't control..
And when days like this come, I have no idea how to get out of them...

This is a photo I took for a school project when I went to Media. It was taken at the last part of school, when I never showed up anymore because the social interraction was too much for me to handle. And I felt it explained my situation then, as it explains today.
"There is a big, bright world out there for me to explore, but the darkness and shadows of the past doesn't allow me to see it."

Camilla

Monkey D. Luffy and Chicwish!

So I ordered this skirt from Chicwish quite a while back, unaware of the Chinese New Year. Due to celebration of Chinese New Year, it took quite a while for me to recieve. Which I totally respect, but wish I knew before I ordered. But, the package contained a cute little note saying "Grateful for Camilla, Happy New Year!", and I thought it was so cute that I forgot all about it! Also, the skirt was so comfortable and cute that I instantly put it on and wore it to work today.

The cardigan is from b-young, this is the one I bought yesterday. The white top is from Cubus, the necklace from Vero Moda (at least I think it is). Snood - Kappahl, Skirt - Chicwish, Rainbow Galaxy Leggings - Black Milk, Bracelet - gift, Ring - gift, Topshop, Lita shoes - Jeffrey Campell. 

We're sleeping over at my mom's place today, since I have work tomorrow and it's shorter to walk there when I visit her. And it's a great oppurtunity to see my family, including my little kitty Monkey D. Luffy.

This girl means the world to me. She was born wild, but captured to me by my grandma in my darkest period of life. She was my friend through the hardest year of my life. She is so special, and she has the coolest personality. She sings with me and talks with me, she sleeps in my bed and she drools when she's pat. I hate not having her in my appartment, but she wouldn't be happy there. Neither are we allowed to have animals. And I know she's safer at my mom's place. I just miss her a lot. Isn't she beautiful?
I named her after an anime figure, a pirate that expands like rubber!

I genuinly had a good day, work was good and today I don't have to cook, which is even better, haha!
How was your day? :)

xx
Camilla